Day Twenty-One - The Celebration!

Wow! What a journey, a learning journey that I hope to continue throughout my life. I am at the end of these twenty-one days, but at the beginning of my journey also. What a celebration! I'm sitting here at the computer pondering my wonderful blessings. For truly I am a daughter of God, who loves me. I'm filled with emotion as I feel the Saviors love for me. He knows me, and I feel this when my heart is softened. Yes, indeed I battle with the "natural man." What monument will be leaving after "crossing the red sea" of life? What am I taking with me through the journey? What burdens will a drop off at the Savior's feet? He knows me, and will give me those burdens for me to carry through my path.

Day Twenty

Abide with me - is my prayer for the morning.
Reading the scriptures brings me closer to Christ. This I know.
At the end of a journey there is a feeling of accomplishment and growth. I am a stronger person for taking this journey.
I can accomplish hard things through Christ, if I but reach out to him.

These are a few of my thoughts this morning.

Day Nineteen

In my greatest hour of need... Reach toward Christ. He will ease my burdens and make them light.

My daughter is dealing with sad stuff. My apartment is not getting rented, and I have to drop the rental price. I have a load of things to do today that seem to be hanging over me. My cat of twelve years is under my bed, she is very sick and weak. My XD card in my camera got messed up and I lost my pictures from May to now. Carson went to school without a coat, lost his shoes, and had an attitude- left me feeling like I'm the "bad mom."

I jumped out of bed this morning on the run, ate banana cream pie (yeah for my diet), got boys off to school, and now here I am. Ready to fill my spirit. Maybe I should first start off my day with at least a prayer.

I have to work hard to fight off the natural man tendencies that seem to meet me, follow me, and want me always. Dear Heavenly Father, give me some strength. Help me feel your peace. Let my mind be clear, and my heart be filled with love. Let me face the challenges of the day, with a peaceful and calm spirit.

Now I will go and do my day...

Day Eighteen

It's very painful to watch your child struggle in life, by making bad choices. Many years ago, as my child became a young adult, I learned the meaning of "free agency." One day I felt almost all resources were exhausted, I took one last step to try and answer the questions of "what can I do for my son?" I fell to my knees, and pleaded with the Lord for an answer. The answer came through a "still small voice." "He is My son also. Love him with all your might. Pray for him with all of your power. Go to the temple." At that point I made a commitment that I would go to the temple more regularly, and love and pray for my son. That is all I could do, and at that time I thought it would take a miracle to soften my son's heart.

I am very grateful to the Savior for my son's life. He and his beautiful wife and two young children were sealed in the temple this March.

Day Seventeen

Do I willingly give all I have to serve the Lord? In my church calling? As a wife? My role as a mother? As a neighbor or friend? At the temple this week, I covenanted to give everything I have to building up the Kingdom of God. Do I fall short? Yes, indeed I do. I like to look at the overall picture though, it seems a little better.

Giving my all as a mother... I have great relationships with my grown children, and grandchildren. My patience is waining when it comes to my teenage boys. I never knew how much they could tax me. Am I giving my all when it comes to raising my boys?

I accept church callings, even when they are difficult to accept. I am willing to take on any church calling and give it my all.

As a wife? Mostly yes, however I do have my moments, days, and issues. That is a question for another blog.

As a neighbor or friend? I could do better. Yes, I could.

My spiritual growth? I'm trying to be more in tune with the Spirit, by studying the scriptures and saying more meaningful prayers. It's a constant battle with my natural self. But, I'm not giving up.

Day Sixteen

Short blog today. I have my 18 month grandbaby on my lap. The house is not quiet. Life is pressing challenges that stretch my abilities as a mother. "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." Mark 9:23

11:35 pm - After a day of pondering on the subject of prayer, and how prayers are answered, I have come upon a more clearer understanding. There are very important gospel principles we learn as we pray. One is to have faith, and partake of the Lord's blessings. He has many blessings for us to receive, and are obtained through obedience and faith. The other part to prayer is that as we learn to submit to God's will, we will have faith that what we are blessed with will help us grow, and give us strength and knowledge.

Day Fifteen

It is joyful to ponder in the quietness of my home in the early hours of the morning. It is quiet inside, and outside I hear only a soft humming noise, proving that life is going on. Like life, if I can keep it quiet in the inside, it softens the humming noise of my day. Inspiration can flow, peaceful thoughts come to mind, calmness is achieved.

Afternoon time makes way to teenagers whining about homework, and chores, teasing and roughhousing. They need. Babies could be here, maybe even my grown children. They need. The phone will be ringing, my husband will be calling. He needs. Dinner to be made. Messes to be made. Many things to accomplish before night settles in. I need.

Keep it quiet in the inside. The humming noise can actually be peaceful as I serve. I give, I serve, I am filled.

Day Fourteen

Along the journey today, I will choose to use my gift to uplift and serve someone in need. I know what I have to do today to accomplish this journey.

As for the questions in this chapter... Why are they so hard for me to answer? I have to really ponder on them. I will type them out here, and then think about them throughout the day and get back here tonight and see what I came up with for answers.

Questions:
"What motivates you spiritually?
What is one gospel subject that you enjoy studying?
What meaningful activities bring you the most joy?
Which of those activities help you feel closer to Christ?
What qualities do you have that can help others feel closer to Christ?"

Answers:
Positive streams of energy and thoughts flowing through me (Holy Ghost directing me).
Love and service, following the Spirit, feeling the love of God.
Connecting with people, fulfilling relationships, helping others.
Connecting with people, fulfilling relationships, and serving others.
Listening, having compassion, connecting, and serving.

Day Thirteen

"Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light? " Isaiah 50:10

Me. Fear the Lord. Obey the counsel of the Prophet. Walk in darkness. Have no light. Yes, this is a very good description of apathy. This is the very thing I have been thinking about over the past few months. Go through the motions, but feel spiritually sluggish.

Example:
Testimony meeting..."Ho hum, not feeling it, don't think of bearing my testimony, for I need strength from others."
Family scripture reading..."OK, hurry hurry, need to get going today."
Personal prayers..."Not feeling it, say a few memorized clichés, it's better than nothing, right?"
Personal scripture study..."I'm a little sporadic, but very busy. Sooner or later life will calm down, and I'll be more consistent."

Here is my "natural man" coming out again. I know exactly what I need to do. But, somehow I find myself in a pit of apathy. Isaiah in chapter 50:11 explains my situation further. "Behold, all ye that kindle a fire, that compass yourselves about with sparks: walk in the light of your fire, and in the sparks that ye have kindled. This shall ye have of mine hand; ye shall lie down in sorrow."

So the chapter in today's book is perfect for getting out of this pit. I will take the journey of the day.

Ways I have been able to turn to the Lord for direction and support... This is an attitude thing. If I lose my pride, and submit, almost automatically I feel the Spirit. I am directed continually throughout my day. Calm feelings and peacefulness come over me. I'm happier, able to feel the Spirit, listen to that "still small voice," and be directed in all things. I feel softer, more kind, more loving. My thoughts are more clear and directive. My prayers come from the heart not the logical check off list of just things I need and things I'm grateful for.

Ways I have been able to trust the Lord...Let go of the "sparks that I have kindled." I not sure if that makes sense at a logical frame of mind, but in my spiritual mind, it makes perfect sense. Let me not walk in the "sparks of my own fire, and compass myself in these sparks." Be open to the Saviors' love. Open and trusting, that's it.

Day Twelve

My Oh My, Life! What? Craziness! How long did it take me to get to day 12? Eight days. I'm still trying to "calm the storm". Maybe I should actually read my scriptures, and say meaningful personal prayers. Maybe it actually would help if I would do what this book suggests. So, here I am again. Ready and willing. . .

After reading today's chapter and scripture verses, with tears, I am now writing.

My natural ways do take over so easily. I have gone eight days without reading my scriptures. Eight days when I have felt frustrated by life. Eight days where I could have just sat for a moment and read the message for the day, and been strengthened. And here in Luke 17:19, the message is clear to me this morning. "Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole." Arise Nadine, take on the challenges of life. I can do this with the Saviors' help.

With tears, and much emotion, I am feeling the Saviors love for me. I will reach for Him and ask for his help with all my challenges of the day. I'm so sure at this moment, that if I do this, I will be blessed with peace in my life.

Why did I go eight days without filling my cup, and starving my spirit to death? I don't need to answer this question, I just need to arise and go do my life with faith in my Savior. I know by doing this I can overcome any challenge I face.

Day Eleven

Calm the Storm. . . I feel like life has been a storm this past week. Now, I am sitting quietly in my bedroom, and for this first time in days, I've been calm and quiet enough to ponder.

There are so many tasks to take care of. Struggles, worries, and pains come daily over this or that. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with everything. I do things like a robot; just move through life in a bland way, accomplishing the necessities, but not taking the time to find the joyful moments. This morning while pondering in a quiet place, I realize that there is a storm inside of me, and that is what I am trying to calm by my robotic joyless actions. There is a better way.

Acts 17:27 "Seek the Lord...(for) he be not far from every one of us."

I know this. When I am truly seeking the Lord, I have a calmness throughout my day. I face life with energy and feel peaceful even in times where there isn't much peace.

Nephi 25:26, "Talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ, and preach of Christ..." When I do this I develop a personal relationship with the Savior. If I do this daily, I will find the peace I need to live life with more abundance and joy.