Day Nine

"Render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice..." Mosiah 2:20 Today's reading challenge is King Benjamin's talk in Mosiah. I liked that scripture, so I thought I would share.

The challenge has to do with following words of the Prophets. Just as ancient prophets such as King Benjamin had the keys the prophet and our church leaders have keys. We get specific and personal guidance for our day and our time. What a great blessing! The conference talk that I really loved was the talk by President Eyring in the Sunday morning session. I will share a few quotes:

"Different as we are in circumstances and experiences, we share a desire to become better than we are. There may be a few who mistakenly feel they are good enough and a few who have given up trying to be better. But, for all, the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is that we can and must expect to become better as long as we live."

"Love is the motivating principle by which the Lord leads us along the way towards becoming like Him, our perfect example. Our way of life, hour by hour, must be filled with the love of God and love for others. There is no surprise in that, since the Lord proclaimed those as the first and great commandments. It is love of God that will lead us to keep His commandments. And love of others is at the heart of our capacity to obey Him."

"Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion."

I loved the entire talk.

Day Eight

"Listen to the still small voice, listen listen.
When you have to make a choice,
He will guide you always."

How do I know that I am following the Lord's will? How are my prayers answered?

Often there is a small voice that speaks to me. While reading the words of President Monson yesterday morning, the small voice told me that I should call a friend. This morning a small voice said, "Have patience, Carson will be fine after he forgets about what he's sulking about."

Then there are experiences where the small voice comes to me with much force and emotion. There is no mistaking that thoughts and words come from the love of God. The following story is an example of a time when I was guided to make a very big decision.

In October 2000, we had the privilege of going to Kazakhstan, to adopt our two youngest boys. We had seen videos of our son Dallin, and arranged to meet him and work through the adoption procedures while we were staying in the country. We didn't especially plan on adopting Carson, but the option of adopting two boys was on our minds.

The first day we arrived, we met Dallin. He was a beautiful child, and we instantly fell in love with him. He ran into our arms while saying "Mama! Papa!" He kissed us and hugged us over and over again. This brought tears to our eyes, and we witnessed a true miracle and were overcome by the power of this spiritual experience.

The women at the orphanage told us to take Dallin home to our apartment, and moments later we were on our way with our driver, interpreter, and facilitator, Sergeiy, while laughing with and loving this little five year old child. The first night with Dallin was amazing. All three of us were so excited we couldn't sleep. We all jumped into one bed, and played games with a flashlight, which Dallin told us was a "torchet." Eventhough we couldn't speak the same language we communicated our love to our little guy often. He taught us Russian words, and we taught him English.

The next morning we drove to an orphanage called the "Baby House." There were lots of smaller children and babies there, but when we arrived, they said there we already were adopting the best child in Kazakhstan, so we couldn't adopt any of those children except this one. They handed over Artuka, and said he should have been born a girl, because he cries all the time. He was a sad little guy, two years old, didn't respond much, with a scratched face and infection in his eyes. We tried to get him to warm up to us, by giving him chocolate, playing with some toys, and talking quietly to him. He was afraid of Dane, and I couldn't make any connection with him. He wouldn't even let Dane hold him. We stayed with him for quite some time, and then decided that maybe we could watch him in his group of children to see how he responded with them. We blew up a large punch ball, and threw it in this small room with about twenty two-year-old children. They all loved the ball, and ran around the room excitedly trying to catch it from above their heads. They all loved it except for Artuka, for he stayed over in a corner, and didn't play at all. We decided that he probably wouldn't work in our family. We felt some sadness about these children, and especially Artuka. As we were leaving the room, I glanced over at that sad little boy, and made eye contact. I felt a powerful and instant connection for the first and only time that day. It was an extremely emotional day, and we went to bed exhausted.

The next day we were going to drive to another city, and see some children. We were a little hesitant because we would need to leave Dallin at his orphanage. We didn't want to leave him at all, and thought it was very important for bonding reasons that we shouldn't leave. We decided that we were very blessed to have Dallin as our beautiful son, and we would not leave to go see other children. We would only be adopting Dallin.

During the night, Dane and I woke up together and felt the Spirit of God around us. With no uncertainty we were told that we needed to adopt Artuka. The feelings could not be denied. We both cried. We thought that maybe he was somewhat handicapped, and would need lots of psychological help. He had been a crib baby in an orphanage where he really wasn't liked very much. He was mentally delayed. We cried not just because of the powerful spiritual experience we felt, but also because we were afraid of what we would have to face in life with raising a challenged young child.

Nine years later. Carson (we changed his name) does great in school, he loves to talk to adults, he loves basketball, and cooking. We are so blessed that we listened. I love this young man! Look at his picture!

Day Seven

Today's challenge centers around prayer. "Run with patience and look to Christ." I am a runner, I know the challenge of the "5th" mile. I love finish lines. When life gets tough don't give up, just keep running. Say my prayers. Christ will see me though.

Ask. In Christ's name. Determine "which is good." "Believe that ye shall receive."

"Behold it shall be done unto you."

Day Six

Today the challenge is to look at a situation in which I want to make a change and try to look at it in a different way that would make it productive, by seeing what I need to do differently.

Situation. My boys are contentious. Often I don't want to be around them because they drive me crazy. It seems like the harder I try to get them to be nice to each other, the more they fight and quarrel.

See the situation with different eyes, with the Savior's eyes. Dallin and Carson are adopted. Does that make a difference? Does it make a difference that my youngest child was 14 when they were adopted? We would have been empty-nesters now if we didn't have the boys. Do I have issues of selfishness? Am I tired of dealing with disciplining my children? Maybe these are irrelevant questions. I need not to focus on these questions and move forward. This is the question and the only question I should ask myself. What would Christ do?

Christ loves these boys so much. He made it possible for them to come to our home and live in an environment where they could have parents, the gospel, an education, and their needs met. He also has blessed our lives with the privilege of parenting these boys. I have always known that it was a miracle that we were able to adopt Dallin and Carson. It is a privilege to be their parent and grow with the challenges.

Day Five

Today I will look for "tender mercies" - small blessings in my life.

My grown children are amazing blessings. My daughters and I love to go to lunch, eat lots of goodies, and then go to the gym together. That makes perfect sense!

Here I am sitting at the computer with a very beautiful baby boy on my lap. He has my cell phone in his mouth, which keeps his hands occupied only for a moment so I can type without his help. He's healthy, cute as can be, and I am so blessed to have him and my four other grandbabies in my life.

I look to my left and see a view of brilliant fall colors out my window. Every so often runners pass by, they are taking advantage of the cool air of fall. I am so blessed with health. In a few minutes my daughter Hannah and I will go for a run.

My parents gave me a stable childhood, thought I was special, taught me the importance of commitment, and took me to church every Sunday. Extended family ties bless my life.

The man I married loves to spend time with me, adores me, thinks I'm smart (he's right about that!), and has always been a good provider. We are best friends.

My bedroom is beautiful, fit for royalty. It's calling my name! Zzzzzzzz

Day Four

My challenge for day four is to think of a time when I relied on the Savior for strength beyond my own capabilities. This is my personal story.

When I was 37 years old, my mom was diagnosed with bone cancer, and after six months of watching her go through much pain and suffering, she died three days after Christmas. Caring for my mother during those last few months of her life was a life changing and a mentally excruciating experience. But, I will always cherish that time I could serve my sweet mother. It seemed as though a chapter closed in my life, and left me in a sad place.

Over the next couple of years, I battled depression. This is what depression feels like to me... I am out to sea. It is dark and blustery. Winds are howling, rain and cold sea water are splashing me. The roar of the ocean makes it impossible to hear any sounds or feel anything but fear. The only way I can get out of this place, is walk a long plank that takes me to the shore. It's so dark I cannot see the plank most of the time. It's slippery and wet, and I can't stay on it without help. I try to walk on it, but because of the challenges, I find myself back in the boat curled up in a little corner with a blanket covering my head.

Along with some anti-depressants and the following visualization, I finally overcame and got to the shore.

My Savior is out there on the plank. He speaks to me with encouragement, holds out His hands, and sometimes even carries me along the plank. As long as I am holding on to Him, he never lets me go. Even though, I'm filled with fear, as long as I focus on the peacefulness that surrounds Him, I can keep going along the plank. I have faith that I can make it with His help. If I slip, I quickly reach for Him.

I still use this visualization when I'm feeling depressed or anxious or just in need of some extra strength.

Day Four